I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the life-sized Lucario all weekend. The first time I saw it standing there in the kitchen, in all his 47 ¼ inch glory, helping mom dry the dishes, I knew it would one day be mine. Lucario is Pokemon’s goodest boy, and a lifesize replica with opposable limbs is the ultimate I-didn’t-know-I-needed-that buy. The only problem - and it’s a big one - is the $420 price tag. It may be difficult to convince your partner that this is a worthy investment, particularly if they’re not as Poke-fanatical as you, but if you’re having trouble explaining to your significant other why you need to buy a stuffy that costs as much as a weekend trip to Vegas, here’s five ways to convince them plus a bonus tip: don’t mention the Vegas thing - hotels are dirt cheap right now.
It’ll Pay For Itself
$420 may seem like a lot, but the price is irrelevant when you consider how much money it’s going to save you in the long run. If you live in one of the 12 states with carpool lanes, you now have a permanent passenger to go to work with. Not only will you save dozens of hours a month on travel time, you’re almost certainly saving money on fuel too. No one will ever guess that your passenger is actually a four-foot inanimate Pokemon from the Diamond & Pearl generation - I mean, that would just be ridiculous.
You can also put Lucario in the window at night to keep burglars away from your house. The amount you’ll be saving on burglaries alone is immeasurable, not to mention the peace of mind your family will have from knowing the Aura Pokemon is standing guard, ready to start flinging Shadow Balls at any would-be intruders.
It’s Useful Around The House
If you’ve seen the promotional photos on the Pokemon Center website, you’ve probably already picked up on how helpful Lucario would be for doing chores. You can have him hold towels for you in the kitchen while you do dishes or clean up. If you have clothes that can’t go in the dryer, you can have Lucario hold them while they air dry. Lucario would also work great as a console table at your front door where you store your keys, wallet, watches, and shoes. Anything you’re afraid you might misplace can go to Lucario, after all, you’re never going to lose a 47-inch Pokemon.
The spikes on the top of Lucario’s hands make it great for holding jewelry, lanyards, hats, or anything else you want to hang, and the space between his ears is perfect for a stack of mail. Lucario’s tail basically turns it into a tripod, and with its poseable arms you could easily turn it into the photographer for your TikToks and Youtube videos. If you’re creative enough, there’s almost nothing Lucario can’t do.
It’s Like A Pet, But Better
Consider Lucario like a pet that you never have to feed or groom. It never needs to go on walks or visit the vet for expensive deworming medicine. It never barks, never pees on the carpet, and can’t dash out the door when you’re bringing in the groceries. It can’t shed, and I have to assume it’s hypoallergenic too. It’s still soft and fun to cuddle, but it never gets older and it can not die. It also loves getting dressed up in cute clothes, while most dogs and cats do not. Imagine how much fun you’ll have putting Christmas sweaters on Lucario and cuddling it while you watch Succession, or dressing it up in a swimsuit and sunglasses to lounge with you by the pool. You’ll never be lonely with a life-size Lucario.
Make Them Watch Lucario And The Mystery Of Mew
The fastest way to force someone into an unbreakable attachment to Lucario is to show them the movie it made its debut in. Lucario and the Mystery Of Mew came out more than a year before Diamond & Pearl and is single-handedly responsible for elevating Lucario to Pokemon A-list status. The movie tells the story of a noble Lucario who fought alongside its master to stop a great war, but was imprisoned in a magic scepter for hundreds of years until it was eventually freed by Ash. The pair don’t get along at first, but Lucario and Ash eventually learn to respect each other just as Lucario makes the ultimate sacrifice to save the world. The story apes Star Wars mythology and frames Lucario as a brave and compassionate Jedi Knight who gives its life for a worthy cause. Whenever I show people this movie there’s never a dry eye in the room by the end. If you watch Lucario and the Mystery of Mew, I guarantee you’ll order the giant Lucario tonight.
All Your Friends Will Love It
If your partner is apprehensive about Lucario, it’s probably because they don’t want a four-foot ninja dog standing in the corner of their bedroom. That’s perfectly understandable, but think about how popular this will make you. A lot of people wouldn’t want to keep Lucario, but everyone wants to play with it. You’re bound to be the neighborhood ‘it couple’ with Lucario after your friends find out you spent $420 on a life-sized Pokemon. Forgot coffee table books, party games, or hors d'oeuvres, everyone is going to want to come over just to take selfies with Lucario. I mean seriously, four notes is a small price to pay for a literal celebrity to live in your house. If I found out someone I knew had the Lucario I would immediately think they were cooler, I’m just saying.
If all else fails, just do what I do when I want to spend an exorbitant amount of money on something foolish: just open up a new credit card. That’s free money baby!
The student who acquired the drive has been given a life sentence and others who watched it will do five years hard labor.